“Retail is B.S.” Mayor Olson Says
A satirical piece on the missing vision between a large scale IKEA development and doing nothing.
Ed. Note: Franklin leadership receives its share of criticism. Oak Creek’s (OC) IKEA announcement brought no exception. In the top seat, Mayor Olson whose previous aldermanic votes include a half Million dollar OC give away ultimately resulting in the Drexel Interchange access for OC's IKEA, and allowing expensive homes adjoining Franklin’s 76th & Rawson’s most viable business intersection. In the eyes of several Franklin bloggers, Mayor Olson can do no wrong. His mayoral success to date, building a near $1.5M playground while aldermen make tough votes to correct past mistakes. With that said, it is hoped you can enjoy a little humor at the expense of Franklin's "do nothing" approach.
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“It’s a major threat to our quality of life here in Franklin,” said the city’s elder statesmen, as he reviewed construction progress at a recent park project. “Now, this — this is quality…” he said vacantly, watching sand trail from his fingers in the sandbox.
“What Franklin wants are the privacy of speedway roads, expensive homes, and a homogeny that protects us from dangerous thoughts” Olson continued. “Industry is for industrial parks, where we don’t have to worry about it attracting unwanted elements. That’s not to mention the nice opportunity we offer for 15 year-olds to practice their driving skills on wide, deserted industrial park roads.”
The Shoppes at Wyndham Village, completed just a few years ago near Franklin’s City Hall, was pointed out to the Mayor. He was on the city council at the time – did he not vote to approve that retail development?
“That was different” Olson replied. “It’s adequately hidden away and moated, and there was nothing there – just dirt and a bunch of green stuff. Besides, the developer was a friend of mine. And good luck trying to walk or bike there!” With that, the mayor issued forth a raucous guffaw.
“Now we’re being harassed with proposals for a housing, retail and recreation center — mixed use! — at a major interchange. It’s like having your pants pulled down in public. Next thing you know, the developer and actual market forces are in charge, and we get all sorts of unwanted people in Franklin, getting from one activity to another without getting into a car. Without getting into a car! What did we spend all this money on glorious fast-and-wide asphalt for if people are going to park once and do three, even four different things?”
When asked if he did not still have ties to the business community himself, he responded, “Ties? What ties? Why do you think I have two zeros in my name?”
The mayor quickly excused himself, stating “I have to go make a motion in private.”